Thursday, October 21, 2010

Reader Requested Ass-Ripping.

Had a request to do a nice Tiger Woods rant. Little dated, but still can be fun. Thought I could make it one all by itself, but didnt have enough of stuff really. So I will turn this one into a celeb ass-ripping.

Tiger Woods - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING SON???? You were married to a SWEDISH BOMBSHELL!!!! And you threw it away for a fucking waitress at Perkin's!?!?!?! Tiger, I know you wanted to keep it secret and all, but damnnnnnn. Go find some nobody model or some hack singer and tear that up. At least you can hold some respect. You have what 10, 15, some say 50 mistresses???? REALLY!?!?! Nothing registered that is may be a little bit of overkill. There's a old saying that says how a sailor has a different woman in every port. You put the sailor's to shame my friend. Still love ya thought. Me and you are good. But now, good sir, you are no longer a Tiger. You a Cheeta. Get it!?!?!?!

Lindsay Lohan - PUT THE BOTTLE DOWN!!!!!!!! JESUS, you were a sex symbol. Every guy would have sold his house and car for 10 minutes with you, and now, I don't think you could give that wrecked flap of a thing you call a va-jay-jay. I rather put my stick in a vat of nuclear waste that also doubled as Susan Boyle's toilet.

Paris Hilton - DITTO!!!!!!! Well more for you is to put the drugs down. In a recent book, Paris told the author that she used to take her drugs and put them into a empty cigarette box, and then she would stick up in the hoo-hah, and get on to the flight!?!?!?!? REALLY?!?!?!?! Well you get points for thinking, I give you that. But if you can, on numerous occasion's do that, it's time to get some help sweetheart.

Brett Farve - WHY ARE YOU TEXING YOUR JUNK OUT TO WOMEN BRETT????????????? Your Brett F'ing Farve, you would have biotches all over you if you wanted. You have a MILF of a wife now in Deanna, WHY BRETT??? Now, plus this season your having, all I will remember of you is your last crap year, and hearing of your old junk being sent all over. Congrats Brett, Congrats

Going to add more to this very very soon.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Ass Ripping Part 3.

Here we are again gentle snowflakes. Time for me to comment on the world and it's problem's.

People who party and then post a profile picture of themselves doing a keg-stand - We get it. Your just John fucking Wayne awesome. You, with the help of friends, can lift you up and drink beer in a way it was not intended to. Touche'. But really, no one care's. Have it as a picture on there, great. i love seeing them. But you don't need to show "How badazzzzzzz" you are in your profile.

Woman who sell pictures of a famous man's slong - STOP IT!!!! Your a whore for selling it. Stop "looking for a quick payday" It is insulting. A man just does not willy nilly sext a picture of the hog to you, just so you can send it to Perez Hilton after he screws you for a few weeks, and never calls again. Get over it, you got used. But stop ruining reputations over it.

Tea Party People - If you want the general public to take you seriously, you MUST STOP LETTING WITCHES AND NAZI'S IN!!!!!!!!!! If you reading this think I am exaggerating, i'm not. Well maybe a tad with the witch part. But go read up on Christine O'Donnell and Rich Iott. She wants a ban on masturbation. I can't take you seriously when you have these people. Not at all.

Weather People - Stop alerting us when a tropical depression forms 4,500 miles away off the coast of Africa. WE DONT CARE. Katrina was horrible, we understand. But i'm tired of hearing of these storms, just to hear a week later its closer now to England than to the East Coast. GET THE DAMN WEATHER CORRECT HERE!!!!!

People who produce commerical's - STOP MAKING THE FUCKING VOLUME 8329x louder than the show's volume. I am sick of almost being asleep, then hearing your theme song BLAST out of the TV and screw up my near sleep.

Facebook people - Stop posting the damn "like this and I will tell you what I think of you" or whatever- Stop it. If your that bored, go read a book, the newspaper, something. If your 18, go research the amendments and people who you can vote for. Do your civic duty and get out at vote, not regale on what you thought the first time you saw me in a school hallway and you thought that "i looked scary" or "your beard is nasty" idc. You bitches are just jealous you can't grow this epicness.

Guy's who post mirror shot's of themselves - Stop itttt. You just look rediculous. And double douche points to the ones who show their abs. This is facebook, NOT A DAMN ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH STORE!!!!!!!!!!!

60 Minutes - PLEASEEEEE STOP THE ANDY ROONEY SEGMENT AT THE END OF THE SHOW!!!!!! (I know maybe 2 people who read this will even know who he is) It is just painful to watch you bitch at the sticker's that come on pieces of fruit.

Visa, Mastercard, Discover, Capitol One - STOP SENDING ME CREDIT CARD APPLICATION'S!!!!!!! I must get one a week. I do not want one!!!!!!! Why would I want your card, which to purchase a $1 dollar candy bar, after interest and hidden fees, would cost me as must as $3. NO!

Baseball people - Stop bitching how instant reply will 'slow the game down' IT TAKES 4 HOURS FOR A FUCKING GAME TO FINISH NOW. What's 4 hours and 10 minutes??? I will take it to get the calls correct.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Ass Ripping's Part 2

Old one was getting to long, time to start a new one.

You sexually frustrated people - I'm sick of seeing (mainly you girls) go back and forth between the 'hog' and the 'swamp' PICK ONE. Actually, if you come on out and say your bi, i'm more ok with that. But this crap where you date a guy for 32492398 year's, then you go to a girl for 34828 years and then maybe a fling with a guy, then back to the girl, but you can't admit your bi or lesbian outload. ADMIT IT. PROVE YOUR A CARPET MUNCHER. GROW A PAIR/ I can not take you serious when you can not admit it.

People at McDonalds who order a Super Size Big Mac and Fries, with a Diet Coke - STOP IT!!!!!!!!! Its a 1,000 calories already dumb ass. You really think that Diet Coke is going to help "balance it" REALLY?!?!?! Man up and go for the Coke, then go vomit it all up. Bet it works better.

Girls who wear these ass cut jeans and shirts where your breast are falling out - If you catch me taking a peek, and believe me, I, and every other guy age 14-80 is, STOP ACTING LIKE YOUR OFFENDED. IF YOU LEAVE YOUR HOUSE WITH 49% OF YOUR TIT OUT, OR 4 INCHES OF ASS CRACK SHOWING, YOUR DARING GUYS TO LOOK. You secretly want it you skanky girl you :) 

T.V Executive - IF YOU BASTARD'S MAKE ONE MORE VAMPIRE SHOW, I'M GOING TO ABSOLUTELY LOSE IT. There has to be at least 5. I will give you True Blood, but the other's must go, NOW. YOU CANCEL 24 FOR THIS SHIT!?!!?!?!

Mountain Dew - Please stop with the new flavor's. I love you more than life itself. No one is more pro Mountain Dew than me. BUT PLEASEEEEEEEEE, STOPPPPPPP. Keep regular, Livewire, and Code Red. That's all we need. Personally, I can do without Code Red, but I like to compromise. There are like 9 in the gas station's now. Takes me like 7 minutes to decide. ITS KILLING MEEEEEE.

More To Come Bitches :)


Condom Makers - STOP WITH ALL THE NEW CONDOM'S!!!!!!! Ones that vibrate, one that's are icy and warm. One's that tingle the girl. GLOW IN THE DARK!!!! LIKE I'M GOING TO LOSE MY PENIS, Studded ones, "French Tickler's", Flavored ones, I could go on. It's sex, not a damn science experiment. Stay on, don't break, THATS ALL WE NEED. IVE NEVER HEARD OF A GIRL TURNING DOWN THE 'HOG' BECAUSE IT WAS A NORMAL CONDOM. Everything eles is poppycock.

Girls - STOP THINKING GUY'S ARE DISGUSTING BECAUSE WE WANT TO GET IN YOUR PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!! It is in a man's DNA to want to see your 'under smile' at any and all cost. IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE THINK LESS OF YOU OR THAT WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU!!!! It always always means that we do. I can still like and love you, and simultaneously also want to mount you over the nearest table, bed, couch, or any other solid object and not care if your grandparents watch :)

Facebook people - STOP POSTING YOUR DEPRESSING SONG LYRIC'S AFTER YOU GET DUMPED!!!!!!! I have my own damn problem's, I don't need to see your's followed by a sad fucking Taylor Swift song. Go to the store, buy a bottle of Jack Daniel's and drink your damn problem's away like a normal American does.

Girls again - PICK A BEST FRIEND AND STICK WITH HER. You bitches go through them like guy's go through underwear, one a week. Hahaha. No, but seriously, every 4 months, 80% of you have your 'ride or die bitch' STOP IT!!!!!! IVE HAD THE SAME BEST FRIENDS FOR 6 YEARS. Its not that hard :)

Tea Party. Legit, Kinda Legit, Or Just Plain B.S??

Been awhile since I've done a good political blog. Been trying to save this one up, because I knew it could be good. Its close enough to the coming elections that it applies nicely. Now, we all know of the Tea Party. And most of you either have one of two opinions. Either you love them, their message, and everything. Or, your the majority who just think that these are crazy white people who hate that the President is black and they want to take out some deep seeded hostility on him and anything else they can connect to him or Washington.

Now, let me start out by saying this: I do kinda agree with the Tea Party movement in some area's. Shocking I know, blew my mind just saying it. Once I actually started doing my own research, (not just listening to the news and reading print media) I found I agree with some of their main idea's. Now, in saying that, it also took me over a hour, going through many sites and paper's to actually find their common ideal's.

Now, when it comes to ending earmarks, or more to the point, requiring a 2/3's majority to pass them, is good. Also, to put a "all or above" policy on energy, mainly just looking to end dependence on foreign countries, is also a good thing. Another point, I do believe that there are some in this movement that genuinely want to have good, honest change in America. And whether you or I agree is irreverent. The fact that some want to be or start a new movement and induce change is patriotic and I applaud those in the group who want change for change sake. Good honest change.

Now to the problems I have, haha. One big one I have about the Tea Party, is the fact there really is not a Tea Party. There is not one, two, or three unified group that are the raining leader. Every Tom, Dick, or Harry runs their own chapter of some sort of Tea Party. You have (and these are the bigger of the groups) : The National Tea Party Coalition, The Tea Party Express, Tea Party Patriots, Tea Party Nation, and the National Tea Party Federation. And that's to just to name a few. When you have all of these groups, all of which believe they should be the major players, you get many, many different people all yelling for change and whatnot. What this does is just distort the message.

The Dem's and GOP have the DNC and RNC. National Committee's that basically run everything within their party. Now, that's a bad thing because they do have a monopoly on a lot of the party, but it also unifies them and helps in many ways as well, give and take. Now, I'm not saying the Tea Party needs to do that, but have a few groups be it. Have a few groups control most of the message and policy.


But now to the meat of my problem with this movement. This is something I touched on in one of my earliest post. (Go down and read it if you have not) And it is with the wing nut, crazy, racist, douche bag, jack asses at the rallies, the political leaders, the officials running on the Tea Party flag, the secret funders of the whole party, and the people on the internet and who get on TV and just spew verbal excrement from their mouths to do nothing but incense people. (run on sentence FTW) Now I take it you see the pictures throughout. I literally typed Tea Party Pictures into Google images and got those. Did not type anything eles. Not socalism, not monkey, not balls, just Tea Party Pictures. That right there is my whole take on the Tea Party.

If those are the people at your rallies, America is in a scary place my friends. Now, my Republican friends will say "Now Cody, people had signs like that at anti-Bush events and all." True, I will agree. But their is a difference between the two. The people at the Bush rallies were not racist bigots who believe the FUCKING PRESIDENT WAS BORN IN KENYA. People poked fun at Bush because of his policies and his verbal gaff's, and at the fact he choked on a pretzel, but not his race. People NEVER SERIOUSLY questioned ol GW's citizenship's, or his religious affliciations. I can not think of anyone who, with any seriousness, questioned any of that. In a recent, I believe it was the PEW Foundation. poll came out and in it was this. They concluded that 52% of Republican's (Which is the Tea Party, no real Dem's in it) now believe that the President sympathizes with Muslim's and the terrorist. Also, I believe around 26% said they have serious doubt's if whether our President is in fact a natural U.S citizen. (BTW, this post is getting fucking long. I'm sorry.) It is sicking to me.

Hate the guy's policies all you want. Hate health care all you want, don't call it socialism. By that standard, Cuba is socialist, which is impossible because they are Communist. Also would make Great Britain socialist, but that's impossible because they are a monarchy. Big Daddy Cane once told me this, and it applies : "Humphrey, you slick, sexy bastard, always remember this. Don't hate the player. Hate the game"

In closing now, (FUCKING FINALLY CODY, I know) let me say this. I want the Tea Party to be a success. I do. But not like this. I would love a new party to rise (would prefer the Libertarian's) and challenge the powerhouses and shake up Washington. But to accomplish it with hate, bigotry and whatnot is not the way to do it. It will only tarnish our reputation around the world, something we can not afford to do. The Tea Party can do good things as a whole if it can get a grip on these radical's in their group.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

10 Rules Every Man Must Always Live By

Now, I feel confident all of you know what 'The Bro Code' is. And if you do not, and you consider yourself my friend, just go take a long walk off of a short pier. I see men, almost daily now, breaking the rules of Dudedom, and it is saddening. So i'm going to give you all 10 simple rules to live by as a man.

1. Always have at least one condom within arm's reach at every moment. This rule is not only to keep you safe and child-support free, its also to help out a fellow brochacho. Your boy may be sealing the deal in the next room, and need one. Do the bro a solid and help out.

2. Always observe the 'two-urinal' rule in ANY public bathroom with more than 3 urinal's. This is not a homophobic rule either. Just good manners. Always look forward. Avoid small talk. We are peeing. I dont feel like discussing current events.

3. Never get a tattoo of a chick's name, or allow a fellow bro-in-arms to do it. We have all seen this movie before. You get Cindy on your arm. 2 years later, your telling Spike at the local tat parlor "You think we can turn that into a pair of knockers with a Bud Light in the middle?"

4. If a bro's girlfriend inquires about his sexual history, you are to always lie your ass off. Do not make it worse by saying he is a virgin or he barely gets any either, that is a major offense. Make him sound good.

5. No true bro should ever hook up with a fellow bro's sister. This is just a brelony of the highest degree.

6. No bro shall ever apply sunscreen, icy-hot, or any other type of savv, cream, or lotion to another man UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

7. No bro will ever pursue a fellow man's mom. Step-mom is acceptable. Only on the basis that either she makes the advance first, or if she is wearing at least one piece of leopard print clothing.

8. Bro's shall always follow the 'Acceptable Chick Age' when dating. Take your age, divide by 2, and add 7. For instance, if your 20, do NOT go for anything under 17. And even then, it better be something fantasticccccccccccccc.

9. Bro's never send another man a greeting, sympathy, or birthday card. EVER.

10. The most important rule of all. A BRO ALWAYS HAS ANOTHER BRO'S BACK. PERIOD. You see your bro in need of a wingman, YOU ARE THERE. Needs you to scoop up a grenade, YOU FALL ON IT.  In jail for a charge for which you were apart of, YOU BAIL THEM OUT. A bro always has a fellow bro's back.

There will be more to come. FEEL FREE TO LEAVE ANY BRO LAWS YOU FEEL I MISSED IN THE COMMENT SECTION. If they are deemed worthy, they will be added to the overall list.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Israel And Palestinian Peace Talk's Enter Final Hour

Article first published as Israel and Palestinian Peace Talk's Enter Final Hour on Technorati.

As the end of the month draws ever closer, the Sunday deadline for construction in the disputed East Jerusalem looms ever larger now after the U.N General Assembly.

The main issue in all of this is the expansion of construction from the Israeli government, not the age old Arab vs Semitic religious war.

Now it has seemed that progress has been made. President Netanyahu left his special enjoy to these talks to remain in Washington. President Abass of Palestine has shown a willingness to support the two-state system, but has also stated that he will quit negotiations if constructions continue after Sunday's moratorium.

Last night, King Abdullah of Jordan was on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and he said in regards to the September 30th deadline "If we fail on the 30th [of September], expect another war by the end of the year." It seems that more of the Arab world is coming around the continued peace and a two-state solution between these two countries.

The Arab/Israeli conflict goes all the way back to the creation of the Israeli state. Israel declared independence on May 14th 1948, and the very next day it was attacked by neighboring Arab countries. And it has been in many war's ever since.

Many peace talks have happened between these two countries have happened over the years, and every one has ended in bloodshed. History says this latest attempt will follow suit. For the first time though, it seems like there is a hope. We will know a lot more in the next 48 hours, and then in the coming weeks and month.
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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Ass Ripping Time

Title lay's it out. I'm going to go on a ass ripping tear. Verbal, well I guess it would be cyber rape. Correction. Cyber Rape. Going to try and keep it short and sweet, like a midget with a lollipop. Going after everything. Politicians, "Reality TV Stars," Sports. Everything here. Lets get to it.

+++ Every Mom on Teen Mom (This includes the mothers of the actual Teen Moms) - Why must every single of of you act like hormonal, dumb bitches? If you are not hitting each other, wiring some guy 3,000 ON CRAIGSLIST for shipping a car, your getting into nasty verbal fights IN FRONT OF THE DAMN KID. Act like you have some sense, not just single-wide sluts. Raise your damn kids the correct way. Get off of damn television. 

+++ People who call the President a Muslim, Marxist, Kenyan, say he has no Birth Certificate, or that he supports Terrorism  - SHUT UP!!!!!!!!! You really think that someone like that could fool 300,000,000 people AND BECOME PRESIDENT! WHILE DOING ALL THAT?!?!?! If you do, you have a serious mental condition, and I hope you get the help you most obviously need. And yes, you have the Freedom of Speech, and technically you can say it. BUT WHEN YOU KNOW IT IS FALSE, and still say it, your doing just for the attention. And in that case, I pity you. 

+++ Jackass Kids who run across the field at baseball games - GROW A SACK!!! You want to run across the field, you better be streaking. Otherwise, your just a punk ass bitch. Anyone can run across a football field with a red silk suit thing on. Takes a damn man to whip out the jewel's in front of 30,000 and risk taking a taser barb to the shaft. That earn's respect. Man up. 

+++ Jehovah Witness's - We know who Jesus is. Do not need you to tell me. Moving on. 

+++ To the next person I get behind on U.S. 1 who turns and does not use their blinker - I AM GOING TO FOLLOW YOU AND CASTRATE (PIMP SLAP IF YOUR A WOMAN) YOU!!! I do not feel like playing the guessing game when your break light comes on. 

+++ Girls on Facebook who constantly "like" those "I want a guy to treat me right" or "I want a guy who wont break my heart" links - Can we grow the fuck up please? This is life, not a Nicholas Sparks book. Want a guy to treat you right? The majority of guy's do not try to be a dick to you. Girls always say how simple guys are, how you are the smarter sex? Really? Really? (Grey's Anatomy ref.) [I watch it. So what? Its a great show]  If we are so easy to figure out, why do you always pick the douche bags out of the group who make you go and find links like that? Most guys are great, fantastic guys. We want to treat you great. We do. We really do. Let the good ones in. 

Goodbye :)
***Will add more as they flow into the mind***

+++ Another Facebook problem - All you girls and guys (mostly girls. about 70%-30%) who try and fool people with how much "you love god and always go to church on Sunday." It does not work in religion to go to church on Sunday after going out Saturday night, (Monday - Saturday night to get technical) AND HAVING PREMARITAL SEX, DRINKING, AND DOING DRUGS. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU POST PICTURES OF YOU PLAYING A ROUND OF BEER PONG!!!!!!!!!!! I think that breaks 3 Commandments right there!!!!!

+++People who break up more than 3 times in (and I'm being damn generous here) 8 months and get back right back together - STOP IT!!!!!!!! If you cant make it work the 1st, 2nd, or even (being generous again) a 3rd time, YOU WILL NOT MAKE IT WORK!!!!!! IT WONT. If your meant to be, your meant to be. Period. Stop bitching when you break up, and then saying how you have a eternal love 16 hours later after you get back with him/her.